Who Are You To Tell Me?

Who are you to tell me that love will come? Who are you to tell me that I haven't looked in the right places? I've sat back, I've lived my life, and I've just waited. And waited. And waited. Who are you to tell me it will happen when you haven't even given me a chance? You never gave me a second thought. "Be friends first and let things build from there." I do. But then what do I get? "We're too good of friends," or, "I don't want to ruin our friendship." But the thing is, if we're friends, we should know that nothing can come in the way of our friendship and that we could survive anything. We can handle it. We've gone through shit before, we can go through shit again. Obviously your weaknesses, whatever they may be, hinder your ability to be loved and cared for.

Who are you to flirt with me? Who are you to lead me on? It's been mentioned that you might be different, that you're not a normal guy. I think you have questioning thoughts but that you're unable or unwilling to admit or experiment those. And that's okay. Everybody takes time. But please, if you're going to flirt, be prepared for me to go as far as I can, because if you don't say stop, I won't. And you don't. So I don't. Let me into your life. Let me be the one to love and care for you.

Who are you to not give me a chance? Your exes have been nasty and rude, and they have lied to you. And what do I tell you? That you deserve more, you deserve better; you deserve honesty, sincerity, tenderness, trust, and love. But when I say that, do you see me as the one to give it to you? Apparantly not. Yet I adore you, and if I'm telling you that you deserve true happiness and all those other things, then I'm probably the one who might just treat you pretty damn well. But does that ever occur to you? I doubt it.

So, in the words of one miss Meredith Grey: "It's simple, [him] or me, and I'm sure [he's] really great. But... I [can] love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me."

Pastel-Colored Eggs.

It that time of year again. The time when little bunnies hop around and baby chicks pop out pastel-colored eggs. The little baby Jesus is all grown up. He died, and he's coming back from the dead. That happens this weekend. People worldwide will cry tears of joy of their savior. And then there are people like me who really hate this time of year. It's not the religious that bothers me, but more the commercialization of it. Luckily, Easter isn't as big of a nightmare as Christmas. Yet.

But what really gets me is the whole aura of love that seems to go along with this season. I was driving in to work today and something hit me. It was this big, grandiose thought. I was listening to my new Mika CD and a few of the songs seem to have a common theme: love is so often lost, wasted, or thrown away. Take for example the following lyrics from some of his songs:
1~ About a break-up: " 'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again. This is not about emotion, I don't need a reason not to care what you say, Or what happened in the end. This is my interpretation, And it don't, don't make sense."
2~ About abandonment and lonliness: " I sit and think about the day that you're gonna die, 'Cause your wrinkled eyes betrayed the joy with which you smiled.... Is there anybody home? Who will believe me, won't deceive me, who'll try to teach me? Is there anybody home? Who wants to have me, just to love me?" (Note this last line: who wants to have me just to love me? Perfect.)
3~ About break-up: " This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory, No Happy Ending. This is the way that we love, Like it's forever. Then live the rest of our life, But not together."
4~ About the requirement of perfection: " Gotta be everything more. Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me?"
5~ The truth about love: "Love's gonna get you down."

All of these are perfect examples that love is lost all too easily these days. The divorce rate continues to skyrocket. We have shows like Jerry Springer, Divorce Court, and others where couples and ex-couples go to duke it out (whether legally or not). The biggest complaint I hear about people, gay boys, in particular, is that there is way too much drama surrounding them. Nasty break-ups often trigger he-said-she-said bullshit, which leads to nastier comments, et cetera, et cetera. The lesson to be learned: let us all learn to find love, and to be happy in love, and if it doesn't work out, just move on. We don't need to over-dramatize our lives with an ex's comments and doings, but what we must all do is to take a relationship as a learning experience: you found things that you don't particularly like, maybe you saw some things in yourself that you didn't about,
and hopefully you learned, you grew, and you stood taller because of it.

Please, for the sake of humanity, let's learn to love one another. We don't need to fight. We don't need drama. We don't need all the bullshit that goes around. Obviously love is a problem. If you can't be with the person you're with any longer, make it a nice, quiet break-up, and leave all the personal details between the two of you instead of spreading nasty rumors around town. Is that too much to ask?

How I managed to go from pastel-colored Easter eggs to the should-be rules of dating, I have no clue. But at least I told you some of my thoughts.

I Can't Take My Own Advise.

patience, my child. for it is a virtue to wait, and the wait is the best part. let the excitement consume you, and transfer it to your whole life, school, work, and it will balance itself out. for the wait will be well worth it when the time comes, and then you will be happy, and you will be loved, and it will be good.

i told a friend of mine that this morning. she was worried that she was rushing into things too fast with a boy-interest. and then i told her: "dammit, why can't i follow my own advise?!?!" i know that's what i should do, but for some reason, i can't seem to accept it. patience is a virtue. it's what we're told since we were kids. yet i'm in a hurry. a hurry to fall in love. a hurry to feel the emotion. a hurry to experience the whole thing. i don't know what to do. i've been told countless times that i don't want to be in a relationship, that relationships are hard work, that there's lots of hard times to deal with. but i'm willing to do that. it seems i face hard times pretty easily. i'm a compromiser. i work through things because i don't want things to go sour, to be ruined. so i'm ready for a relationship. i'm ready for the long hours, i'm ready for the committment, i'm ready for the compromise, i'm ready for the hard, the good, the bad, the ugly, the cheerful, the passion, the joy... all of it.