i'm sorry for thinking.
i'm sorry for smiling.
i'm sorry for dancing.
i'm sorry for thinking i had a chance.
i'm sorry for thinking you were different.
i'm sorry for giving love a chance.
i'm sorry for feeling like there was a connection.
i'm sorry for trying.
i'm sorry for trying to not mess up.
i'm sorry for messing up.
i'm sorry i pushed you away.
i'm sorry you can't handle me.
i'm sorry you can't talk to me.
i'm sorry i made you uncomfortable.
i'm sorry i clung on.
i'm sorry i'm not good enough.
i'm sorry i'm not worth your time.
i'm sorry i'm not perfect.
i'm sorry for giving my all.
i'm sorry for caring.
i'm sorry for holding out my arms.
i'm sorry for catching you.
i'm sorry for being there.
next time i may let you fall all the way.
i'm sorry for listening.
i'm sorry for talking.
i'm sorry for feeling.
i'm sorry for feeling.
i'm sorry for feeling.
i'm sorry for feeling like you were special.
i'm sorry for feeling for you.
i'm sorry for giving you time.
i'm sorry i'm not the one.
i'm sorry that you didn't listen.
i'm sorry that you couldn't try.
i'm sorry that you wouldn't dare.
i'm sorry.
but i did think.
i did smile.
i did dance.
i did think i had a chance.
i did think you were different.
i gave you a chance.
i saw something special.
i tried to make something good.
i tried not to mess up.
i messed up. again.
i pushed. too hard.
you can't handle me.
you won't talk to me.
you are uncomfortable.
i clung.
but i am good enough.
i am worth your time.
i'm not perfect,
but i give my all.
i care.
i hold out my arms.
i catch you. each time.
i am there.
next time, i still won't let you fall.
i will listen.
i will talk.
i do feel.
i do feel.
i do feel.
i feel you are special.
i feel for you.
i will keep giving you time.
i am the one.
you have to listen.
you have to try.
you have to dare.
to dream.
to try.
to love.
11.28.2006
It's My Time.
you know how much i hate to say this... because i never say anything
like this at all, to anybody, ever... but dammit, when will i get my
time?
i want somebody, for once, to drop everything and come to me to help
me. for once, i want to be the center of attention. i hate saying
that, but dammit, i need to be loved, for once in my life, i need
somebody to just hold me and tell me everything will be okay.
god damn it, you listen up.
and you listen good.
coz i can't do this again.
but i have a heart, damnit.
and i have feelings.
love.
compassion.
caring.
honesty.
truth.
generosity.
above all, generosity.
i give all the love my heart has, and i give it wholeheartedly,
without fault, without anger, without spite, without hatred.
i give my love
and support
and trust
and i ask nothing more in return than to be loved
suppored
and trusted.
but that is just not possible.
i AM worth is, dammit
i AM worth something!
but maybe i'm just a fuck up
maybe i'm just not cut for this whole damn dating thing.
i took my time.
i didn't call every hour.
i didn't text ever 10 minutes.
and other than asking his friends for help with clarifying what was
tangling up in my mind,
i don't think i came off as desperate.
and he never called me back.
i just want to talk.
i want to get to know him.
because i know friends first is best.
and whatever happens,
happens.
i let him into my heart.
he made me new.
he made me whole.
he made me comfortable, secure, and safe.
he showed me that i really can love myself
for who i am.
but then i read that he intended to just be friends
and though it shouldn't have
it crushed me.
i fell and crashed like a parachute jumper
pushed from a plane
without a parachute.
i'm a helpless, vulnerable little field mouse,
only waiting to be snatched up by some vulture
who'll only toy with me
and leave me by the side of the road.
dammit, i don't want to be snatched up
thrown around
gnawed on
and torchured
anymore.
unfortunately,
i don't know how not to love.
how not to feel.
how not to open up.
how not to trust.
i just can't abandon my friends,
especially those who need the emotional support
that i seem to offer so extremely well.
it's my biggest weakness.
i care.
and i can't not care.
i can't not love.
i can't not have compassion.
i care, and i care, and i care, and i care.
and i only get trampled,
hurt,
thrown around.
damnit, how the fuck
do i not get hurt?
that being said, there are two people to whom this is ultimately directed:
TAKE A CHANCE ON ME! Dammit, I'm WORTH it! I have a heart of GOLD,
and YOU DON'T REALIZE it! You don't know how much I can love, how much
I can give, how much I can care! Open your eyes, see what I have to
offer, because I know you want it, I know you NEED it. Take a chance.
Branch out. Give me a chance. You won't regret it, I swear.
like this at all, to anybody, ever... but dammit, when will i get my
time?
i want somebody, for once, to drop everything and come to me to help
me. for once, i want to be the center of attention. i hate saying
that, but dammit, i need to be loved, for once in my life, i need
somebody to just hold me and tell me everything will be okay.
god damn it, you listen up.
and you listen good.
coz i can't do this again.
but i have a heart, damnit.
and i have feelings.
love.
compassion.
caring.
honesty.
truth.
generosity.
above all, generosity.
i give all the love my heart has, and i give it wholeheartedly,
without fault, without anger, without spite, without hatred.
i give my love
and support
and trust
and i ask nothing more in return than to be loved
suppored
and trusted.
but that is just not possible.
i AM worth is, dammit
i AM worth something!
but maybe i'm just a fuck up
maybe i'm just not cut for this whole damn dating thing.
i took my time.
i didn't call every hour.
i didn't text ever 10 minutes.
and other than asking his friends for help with clarifying what was
tangling up in my mind,
i don't think i came off as desperate.
and he never called me back.
i just want to talk.
i want to get to know him.
because i know friends first is best.
and whatever happens,
happens.
i let him into my heart.
he made me new.
he made me whole.
he made me comfortable, secure, and safe.
he showed me that i really can love myself
for who i am.
but then i read that he intended to just be friends
and though it shouldn't have
it crushed me.
i fell and crashed like a parachute jumper
pushed from a plane
without a parachute.
i'm a helpless, vulnerable little field mouse,
only waiting to be snatched up by some vulture
who'll only toy with me
and leave me by the side of the road.
dammit, i don't want to be snatched up
thrown around
gnawed on
and torchured
anymore.
unfortunately,
i don't know how not to love.
how not to feel.
how not to open up.
how not to trust.
i just can't abandon my friends,
especially those who need the emotional support
that i seem to offer so extremely well.
it's my biggest weakness.
i care.
and i can't not care.
i can't not love.
i can't not have compassion.
i care, and i care, and i care, and i care.
and i only get trampled,
hurt,
thrown around.
damnit, how the fuck
do i not get hurt?
that being said, there are two people to whom this is ultimately directed:
TAKE A CHANCE ON ME! Dammit, I'm WORTH it! I have a heart of GOLD,
and YOU DON'T REALIZE it! You don't know how much I can love, how much
I can give, how much I can care! Open your eyes, see what I have to
offer, because I know you want it, I know you NEED it. Take a chance.
Branch out. Give me a chance. You won't regret it, I swear.
11.27.2006
I Could Be Happy.
I could be happy and you won't know
But I wasn't happy the day you watched me go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on lips 'till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
(I'll) do the things that I always wanted to
Without you there to hold me back, don't think, just do
More than anything you (probably) want to see me go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
(Edited from "You Could Be Happy," Snow Patrol, Eyes Open.)
But I wasn't happy the day you watched me go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on lips 'till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
(I'll) do the things that I always wanted to
Without you there to hold me back, don't think, just do
More than anything you (probably) want to see me go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
(Edited from "You Could Be Happy," Snow Patrol, Eyes Open.)
11.25.2006
Take A Chance On Me.
If you change your mind, Im the first in line
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If youve got no place to go, if youre feeling down
If youre all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it aint no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try
Take a chance on me
(thats all I ask of you honey)
Take a chance on me
We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as were together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
cos you know Ive got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream Im alone with you
Its magic
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I cant let go
If you change your mind, Im the first in line
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If youve got no place to go, if youre feeling down
If youre all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it aint no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try
Take a chance on me
(come on, give me a break will you? )
Take a chance on me
Oh you can take your time baby, Im in no hurry, know Im gonna get you
You dont wanna hurt me, baby dont worry, I aint gonna let you
Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
Its magic
You say that I waste my time but I cant get you off my mind
No I cant let go
cos I love you so
If you change your mind, Im the first in line
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If youve got no place to go, if youre feeling down
If youre all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby cant you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)
Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby cant you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)
Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa ba-ba
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If youve got no place to go, if youre feeling down
If youre all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it aint no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try
Take a chance on me
(thats all I ask of you honey)
Take a chance on me
We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as were together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
cos you know Ive got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream Im alone with you
Its magic
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I cant let go
If you change your mind, Im the first in line
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If youve got no place to go, if youre feeling down
If youre all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it aint no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try
Take a chance on me
(come on, give me a break will you? )
Take a chance on me
Oh you can take your time baby, Im in no hurry, know Im gonna get you
You dont wanna hurt me, baby dont worry, I aint gonna let you
Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
Its magic
You say that I waste my time but I cant get you off my mind
No I cant let go
cos I love you so
If you change your mind, Im the first in line
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If youve got no place to go, if youre feeling down
If youre all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby cant you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)
Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby cant you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)
Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa ba-ba
Honey Im still free
Take a chance on me
11.08.2006
I'm Sorry.
I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect;
not to sleep with you when you were drunk
I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants
I'm sorry
that I open your car door
and pull out your chair like, I was raised to do
I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"
I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not an asshole
I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things
I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club
I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just f**k you
like some random guy.
I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date
I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up,and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy
I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend
I'm sorry
If I'm no longer there, to be used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around
I'm sorry
that i trusted you not to cheat on me and you did it anyway
I'm sorry
that im not your vision of perfection and will never be flawless because its impossible
I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work
I'm sorry that you can't realize
I've been the one all along
I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care
But most of all
I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore
I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am
I'm sorry
that you say you love me but are still with him
and you're not doing anything about it
People always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there anymore, and they always end up with assholes who treat them bad. Well next time you're bitching, maybe look up to see who you're bitching too, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word like usual, screaming in his head, "Why don't you give me a try?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.
That I was raised with respect;
not to sleep with you when you were drunk
I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants
I'm sorry
that I open your car door
and pull out your chair like, I was raised to do
I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"
I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not an asshole
I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things
I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club
I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just f**k you
like some random guy.
I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date
I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up,and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy
I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend
I'm sorry
If I'm no longer there, to be used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around
I'm sorry
that i trusted you not to cheat on me and you did it anyway
I'm sorry
that im not your vision of perfection and will never be flawless because its impossible
I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work
I'm sorry that you can't realize
I've been the one all along
I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care
But most of all
I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore
I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am
I'm sorry
that you say you love me but are still with him
and you're not doing anything about it
People always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there anymore, and they always end up with assholes who treat them bad. Well next time you're bitching, maybe look up to see who you're bitching too, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word like usual, screaming in his head, "Why don't you give me a try?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.
How Dare You.
How dare you deny me life?
How dare you deny me liberty?
How dare you deny me happiness?
Freedom?
Equality?
A CHOICE?
Aren't all these things above those very virtues for which this country stands and protects? The Revolutionary War, just a few hundred years ago, was fought so that we could have life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We've fought world 'round so that Americans could enjoy freedom and equality. But most of all, we stand for a CHOICE, the ability for each and every person to choose one's own destiny, to be happy, and to be free. Obviously Americans no longer wish to allow some people that ability to choose, to be free, and to be equal any longer.
For God's sake, LEAVE US ALONE! It's hard enough having to go through what we do to figure out who we are and to be true to ourselves. Seriously, back off. Let us have happiness, let us LOVE WHO WE CHOOSE!
FOR GOD'S SAKE, BACK OFF!!!
Pull your head out of your asses and realize that this country has enough other problems to deal with; we don't need this shit and we DON'T need you legislating bigotry, hatred, and discrimination!
FUCK YOU, COLORADO!
FUCK YOU.
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