Because.

Because gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered people are discriminated against in housing and employment.
Because how we act is more important than who we are.

Because if we get harassed,
it's our problem.

Because if we get attacked,
we provoked it.

Because if we raise our voices,
we're flaunting ourselves.

Because if we enjoy sex
we're perverts.

Because if we have AIDS
we deserve it.

Because if we march with pride
we're recruiting children.

Because if we want or we have children
we are unfit parents.

Because if we stand up for our rights
we're overstepping our boundaries.

Because we are forced constantly to question our own worth as
human beings.

Because if we don't have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex
we haven't given it a chance.

Because if we have a relationship with someone of the same sex
it is not recognized.

Because we are told our love is not
"real."

Because if we come out of the closet
we're just going through a phase.

Because lesbian and gay history
is virtually absent from literature.

Because homophobia is sanctioned by the Supreme Court
and because I refuse to pass down their message of hate...

I AM PART OF THE LesbianGayBisexualTransgender CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT!

Hunger Hurts.

"Hunger hurts,
and I want him so bad oh it kills,
cuz I know Im a mess
that he dont want to clean up,
I got to fold
because these hands are just too shaky to hold,
hunger hurts
but starving works
when it costs too much to love..."

I can think of a couple people this could be about.

I'm so lonely / So lonely / So lonely and sadly alone
There's no one / Just me only / Sitting on my little throne / I work very hard and make up great plans / But nobody listens, no one understands / Seems that no one takes me seriously
And so I'm lonely / A little lonely / Poor little me
There's nobody / I can relate to / Feel like a bird in a cage / It's kinda silly / But not really / Because it's filling my body with rage
I work really hard and I'm physically fit / But nobody here seems to realize it / When I rule the world maybe they'll notice me / But until then I'll just be lonely / Little lonely, poor little me.

Yup, that's me. Lonely. I'm usually not one to dump all my shitty feelings upon my friends - I don't cry to them, I don't stress out on them, they're not there to hear my sob stories - and I'm usually the one to whom they come looking for a little consolidation and aide in dealing with their problems. And my inability to just talk to somebody, to vent, and maybe even get some answers has led me to venting only in my blog. Like that song above, nobody listens, nobody's around to help, nobody understands. The worst part: nobody takes me seriously. Like I might have said a blog or two ago, every damn time I like somebody, I go slow, be friends first (like the advise tells me), and then slowly try to move into a relationship. But every goddamned time he comes and says something like, "I think we should just be friends," "I'm not ready for a relationship," "I need time to sort out my feelings," or, "I don't think we can go anywhere beyond friendship." They don't take me seriously - I HAVE FEELINGS TOO GODDAMN IT! I have feelings, I have a heart (it's fragile enough as it is!), yet I continue to be hurt, I continue to set myself up for failure. Through this most recent ordeal, I've realized my problem: I cared too much too soon.

I don't know what the fuck to do. I can't make these feelings go away. I care, and a lot, at that. I find a nice guy, and I really do care about him - I want him to succeed, I want him to have good things in life, I want to be there with him, even if just to hang out as friends (though I'd LOVE for it to be more) - but I can't seem to separate the good friendship from the desire to date him. What makes a man so irresistable for me? I don't want the sex. All I want is to hold him in my arms as we cuddle, to hold his hand, to give him those sweet little kisses that show I care. Why the fuck do I care too much? What is it in me that makes me care, that makes me such a kind-hearted, yet easily heart-broken, person? Is there something wrong with me, that I care, that I love - and have a lot of it to give to one person?

So, somebody take me seriously, please. My heart has been trampled on one too many times, and I'm tired of being hurt. I know one option would be to change and become a cold-hearted bitch, don't open up, let nobody in, and care about nobody, but I just can't do that. I don't have it in me to be mean, coneiving, and decietful to anybody. Goddamn, just let me love you!

I Can't Do This On My Own.

these feelings just won't go away.
no, they won't go away.
they keep haunting me,
dancing around like the ghosts on my bedroom wall.

i don't quite know what else to say, but i fell, and it's hard to pick myself back up. you said you don't think it would work out. but the thing is, you won't know until you try. you didn't even try.