Perfection.

per – fec – tion

-noun

1. the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.

2. the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as in some art.

3. a perfect embodiment or example of something.

4. a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence.

5. the highest or most nearly perfect degree of a quality or trait.

6. the act or fact of perfecting.

What is perfection? You see the Webster's dictionary definition above. But what does it mean? There can be various forms of perfection. Physical, emotional, mental, work-related, school-related, in driving, in caring, in being a friend. I'd like to think that personal perfection (that which relates to personaltiy) is of the utmost important. I'd like to think of myself as having a perfect personality. Yeah, I may be shy and somewhat closed-off at times, but when it comes to the "quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence," I like to think of myself as having the most perfect, undying love for my friends, family, and others around me. I care for them, I'm there for them. Always. I'm always telling my friends that I'm there when they need them, whether its two in the morning or two in the afternoon. I don't abandon those I care about. I give them chance after chance after chance, because I firmly believe that nobody deserves to be abandoned or forgotten about.

Now here's the thing that really worries me: I'm turning 23 soon. And it's not that number that's freaking me out. It's the fact that I really don't want to go out to another dinner with my family or friends. What I truly want is a real date, a nice guy to take me out to a decent dinner and maybe a movie. Twenty-three years without a single date really is starting to get on my nerves. Is it too much to ask for a guy to appreciate me for my warm, loving, caring personality? Is it too much to ask for a guy to give me a chance? I have plenty of guy friends for whom I've been there, night and day, and for whom I've given console, and whom I've helped through some of the most frightening boy-drama. And do you think that any of them would actually see that I'm actually a caring, genuine person on the inside and possibly consider giving me a chance (because we all know that I would never dream of hurting anybody, let alone a friend)? No! Do you think it even crosses their minds that I might be the perfect man for them, because of my perfect heart, my perfect personality? Nope!

I had a friend tell me last night that I need to quit trying so much. I've tried that millions of times in the past. And then I come across a really great guy (there are three or four of them right now) who I would actually like to get to know more and see where things go. So I ask them out to coffee or something less date-like. Something harmless, really. And what do I get? "I'm not ready for a relationship," or, "I don't want to ruin our friendship." Was I asking for a relationship? I don't think so. I was asking if you wanted to get some coffee, hang out, get to know each other more than just a phone or IM conversation. Jesus Christ, guys! Give me a fucking chance! It's not like I'm some freaky child molester or anything. I'm just interested in getting to know you. I've also been told to go see a movie because it has a good message about not trying so hard and yadda yadda yadda. Get this: it's a movie! Aren't we taught that movies aren't real? Alien? Independence Day? Children of the Corn? It doesn't happen in real life. Chick flicks? Yeah, don't happen in real life either. It never happens that way! Especially for gay guys! So let up on that argument. It's failed the scientific method many times over.